Oh it's a mermaid's life for me.

Okay, so this doesn't pertain to anything remotely important in life, but I just need to express the importance of this situation.

I want to be mermaid in the worst way. It's almost sad how much I want to be a mermaid. I draw mermaids, I paint mermaids...mermaids mermaids mermaids.

At age three, right before my brother was born, my mom asked me which I'd like better: a little sister or a little brother. I indignantly replied “I want a mermaid—plain”. So, this obsession with sea goddesses has had a long existence.
My age four birthday cake? Ariel.

Favorite water game at age 6 (through to now...)? Atlantis.

How I met my man? In a murals class. Want to know what my mural was? A mermaid. (He thought it was cool. So I decided to keep him.)

First college art project? (You can fill in the blank.)

And if you ask me if they're real, I don't have time to answer. I don't waste my breath on stupid questions.

Plus, these creatures have the best life. Just think about it. First of all, if you're a mermaid, you're hot. No matter what, no matter where, no one has seen an unattractive mermaid. No really—think about it. When have you ever seen an ugly picture of a mermaid? They all have multicolored tails, rainbow scales, beautiful shell jewelry, long flowing hair and exquisite faces. Who doesn't want that? If you don't, you're crazy and you are free to stop reading. Secondly, if you're a mermaid, you can breathe under the water. You don't even have to like mermaids to know that's cool. That's just...awesome. Period. And of course, if you're a mermaid, you can talk to fish, ride whales and basically just swim around in the beautiful ocean all the time. You probably have gorgeous sea palaces, a few dozen sea horses, some octopi buds...

Seriously, this is starting to make me sick.

I want to be a mermaid.

Please?